I have only been married for 7 months, but in that short time our relationship sure has gone through some changes. We spend a lot of time together when we were dating and engaged, but we did not live together before we got married. Living with the person you love is wonderful, but it can cause some stress as well. Being married in general comes with responsibilities and a commitment to each other. I thought I would share some of the things I have learned in a short amount of time.
10 Things You Should Do While In a Relationship
1.
Listen to your significant other. This is probably the easiest and hardest thing to do at the same time. I love my husband, but I am guilty of doing the nodding and muttering an occasional "uh-ah" during conversations at times. Why do I do this? I don't really know. I don't know why it's hard to given my husband my full attention when he is talking. I do know that when I listen and give feedback or compliments, we obviously have better conversations and grow in our marriage. It's a constant battle. And don't worry, he does the same thing to me. But, the point is that we are aware of the importance of listening to one another and we are working towards doing better.
2.
Don't sweat the small stuff. When living together, you learn your significant others bad habits that you weren't aware of before. My best piece of advice is to not make a bigger deal out of the situation than it really is. For example, my husband has this annoying habit of putting dirty dishes on the counter above the dishwasher. Why he doesn't just put them in is beyond me. I have learned that it doesn't kill me to put them in myself instead of starting an argument about it. Also, a gentle reminder is enough to get the job done. It is not worth the fight or stress to freak out about something small. Just remember that as many annoying little habits your spouse has, you probably have just as many, you are just not aware of them. :)
3.
Start a joint checking account. Now, finances are tricky in a relationship. Nine times out of ten one partner is going to make more than the other, and that can cause power struggles. I suggest a joint checking account. There are several different ways to manage a joint checking account. For instance, you can put all your income in the joint checking account and pay all your bills with that account. You can also keep your personal accounts, but both transfer a set amount of money a month into the joint account to cover the expenses. I suggest the joint account because it saves the headache of trying to figure out what each person is responsible for paying. Plus, once you are married you inherit each other's debts and profits.
4.
Big purchases need to be discussed together. This is another financial issue. I told you this topic was tricky. As a couple, you need to decide what a "big" purchase constitutes. For example, spending $1200 on a TV would be something that should be discussed between partners. If the reason for the purchase is reasonable and affordable, there should be no problem, but you will save an argument if you discuss it with your partner first.
5.
Do not expect gender stereotypes. This is the 21st century, if you are expecting you wife to do all the cooking and your husband to take out the trash, your going to be disappointed. I am a nurse, and after working 12-14 hour days, there is no way in hell I am cooking supper when I get home. My husband is very good at preparing supper for me on nights like this, and it takes a large burden away from me on these nights. I am not saying he has to cook a 5 course meal, but anything will do when I am walking in the door at 8:30pm. Also, it is not uncommon for the woman to bring in a bigger paycheck in this day and age, so men don't let it bother you. I know that as a man your job plays a big role in defining who you are, but your partner is not with you for the amount of money you make. And if she is, you might want to reconsider things. Basically, what I am trying to say is to throw all those generalizations out the window and decide your specific roles within your own relationship and it will lead to a healthier relationship.
6.
Split driving/music time. Let me explain. My parents live 3 hours away, so we spend a lot of time in the car traveling to Minnesota. I never knew such a small thing like listening to the radio could cause problems. We have very different tastes in music. I mean, we have plenty of groups that we both enjoy to listen to, but when he starts playing
Pearl Jam or some type of rap music I get irritated because I cannot tolerate that music. The same goes when I play
The Supremes or
Lady Antebellum. We have learned to either listen to the music the other person hates while we are by ourselves or to take turns picking the music. The same goes for driving. The man thinking he always needs to drive is bogus. Take turns! It will make for a more enjoyable road trip and everyone will be happy.
7.
Grocery shop together. When possible, do your grocery shopping together. You both will get to pick out items you want, and will gain a better appreciation of why the grocery bill is always so high. Also, you will have another set of arms to help haul the groceries inside.
8.
Spend equal time with both sides of the family. If you are always hanging out with his side of the family and hardly ever spend anytime with your own family, you might start to feel some resentment. I don't care how far away the relatives are, be fair and visit with both sides equally, especially once there are kids in the picture. My husband and I do relatively well with this. My parents are the ones who live further away so we spend more time with his family, but we head to Minnesota every chance we get. We are a couple who enjoy spending time with family, so this is a priority for us.
9.
Learn to compromise. Obviously there are going to be times when you just are not going to agree with your significant other. If you have truly reached an impasse, then it is time to compromise. Right now my husband and I have been shopping for furniture and we have a hard time agreeing on things. So we have both stated things that we absolutely would not be able to put up with, and then we will go from there. If both people are willing to give something up for the other, than you will be able to decide on something that will be acceptable to both parties. This can be tough if neither person is willing to budge, but just remember you love this person and he/she is more important than any item.
10.
Make Love. Yes, sex. Do it. Some couples either once they move in or once they get married they get in a rut because things become routine. Come home from work, eat, watch TV, read in bed, and then go to sleep. Keep things from getting into a routine. Be spontaneous. Buy your girl some flowers for no reason. Wear something sexy for your man. Make having sex a high priority. It will keep both partners happier and give you good practice for when you are ready to have children :). I have come to notice that a lot of meaningful conversations happen in the bedroom. Just keep that in mind.
Obviously with just 7 months of marriage I am no expert. However, I have learned a lot in that time and I felt it was necessary to share with the rest of you. Sometimes the smallest actions speak the loudest. Also, I have come to learn that you can never compliment your partner enough. Whether it is telling them how pretty they are or how proud you are of them, it all means a lot.
I know I have many more things to learn and many more arguments to endure in the future. But I am completely in love with my husband and I am looking forward to the many, many years we have to figure everything out.
Thanks for reading!
